I'm Happy While I'm Feeling Crappy.

Do you recognize this statement: "I want everything to change, but I don't want to change too drastically!"  I've been told this many times by new students, though it comes out like this: "How will my life be if I do this work? Will I be OK and happy?" They want to do the training but in the moment of deciding to commit their heads go into overdrive and their spiritual knowing gets bottled up.

When we take action on the feeling of wanting everything to change, we enter these mystical realms: The Land of I Don't Know, The Isle of Cultivating Curiosity, and The Compost Pile of I'm Happy While I'm Feeling Crappy.

We have to enter these new lands of learning if we want to change. It goes something like this, "I have no clue. I'm curious. I can laugh." Simple, somewhat ridiculous, these three ways of being allow for the majority of our growth.

When we find ourselves deeply drawn to a particular training, this is where trust comes in.  We don't know how we will get our answers. We enter with a curious mind. We smile while we're in the compost pile as our life's answers surround us.  Our answers aren't always pretty. Life in motion is not perfect.  OK and Happy are points on a dial, not stopping points. Where our essence is in relationship to the movement of our lives is the question to look at.

I phoned an old friend and teacher and asked, "When you did the training, did you expect to be happy while doing it?" "NO!," she said and laughed. She just knew she had to do it and by the end of her training she knew why.  I felt the same way. I wanted more "room" for myself. But I never had the expectation in the beginning that I would reach a state of stillness and perfection by the end of the year. There are many trainings that will tell you where you will be once you've graduated and how rosy life will be then. Each of us has taken years to assimilate, undoing this to attend to our essence is a simple and lengthy task.

I love the way Sandra Kovacs puts it in her article, The Whys and Ways To Meditate.
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Whys_And_Ways_To_Meditate.html
She re-frames it so that meditation is not the Answer but gets us to our answers. Meditation is the tool that brings us into our spiritual growth and shows us the way out of it. While we meditate, we meet ourselves.  This is what Inner Alchemy and Inner Light teach; a way to meet ourselves.

I do not know what you will do with the tools you learn in the training once you bring your essence into your body. Whether you decide to create miracles, mock-ups or mash-ups for yourself is up to you.

Can I sell or package this work to reassure the folks in the midst of the daunting fears that arise when we are about to say YES to ourselves?   Well... I can share some of the curriculum: grounding, running earth and cosmic energy, having seniority over the guides in our space, learning how to create mental image pictures, seeing the distance we've created between our spirit and our body and being able to change it, reading the layers of our aura, and giving, giving, giving to ourselves...  For those who want reassurance,  I can remind you that:

-the tools work when you use them
-you are capable of understanding your grace lives through the door you are resisting the most
-your commitment can move mountains of old beliefs and uncover amazing beauty within
-when you access your spiritual information within you won't want to look anywhere else
- to recognize your voice you need to trust the quiet voice behind the loud ones
- these tools mean nothing on the page but everything in action

I will not tell you it'll be OK.  Don't ask me to be in collusion with your lack of commitment. I will not meet you there.  This is what you are wanting to shift through.  I stay in the space of possibility.  I see you in your next step as spirit which may be different than what you are aware of on a body level. You need to open the door and walk through.

This work is not what you expect. It never is.  It is way more than you or I can imagine.  So let's answer the original question, "Are the Inner Alchemy Classes or the Inner Light Program gonna make me happy?"  No, but you'll get your answers.  You are the miracle worker.  Being OK is small gesture compared to the miracles you haven't  imagined. Spend time dreaming the dreams you haven't yet dreamed and this is what the Inner Alchemy and Inner Light Program offer.